If coffee be the food of life, then give me more

I still feel newspapers are the superior medium for dispensing information and keeping Canadian society democratic.
Sure, the daily rag has certain setbacks - it requires lots of trees and people must know how to read in order to use it. However, in my opinion the depth, range and quality of information one finds in a stack of carefully designed papers hot off the press is simply unbeatable.
That, and it sure goes good with a cup of coffee.
I love flipping through a great big newspaper on a Saturday morning, drinking cup after cup after cup of bean soup. There's something about a caffeine sandwich that makes the dull news less boring and the terrible news more tolerable.
Sometimes, I'm not even really reading the paper. I'm just using it as a means to add atmosphere to my coffee. I'll stare blindly at the rows of words and take sip after sip of rich, black coffee.
Oh God I love coffee! That glorious sensation when that first cup touches my lips in the morning, to that glorious sensation when that 23rd cup touches my lips at 4 p.m. Coffee is why they invented the word "yummy."
And for the last seven days, I haven't drunk a drop of my desired drink. I am in coffee rehab.
For some reason unbeknownst to me, I decided to give up my favourite morning beverage for Lent.
When I woke up on day one of my 40 day quest, I knew this was going to be a difficult month-and-a-half.
There was this unsettling feeling that first morning off the Joe. It seemed like I wasn't quite able to focus on my preparatory tasks and felt, quite frankly, that I might have walked out of the apartment without pants - due to my hazy state.
That whole first day felt like I wasn't actually awake, but rather in an uncomfortable trance. The next day was worse. That's when the headache set in.
For three days my skull pounded with the wretched agony of not being stuffed full of legal stimulants. Simultaneously, after 15 years of legal stimulants flowing freely through my digestive organs, I was feeling a bit plugged up in other parts of my body with those stimulants now gone.
It was a rough few days. Without my morning pot of black stuff, I simply didn't feel like I was going about my day as a complete person. My thoughts grew dim and I felt as black inside as the dark juice I craved.
Then a few days passed. The headaches passed away and the other parts started flowing relatively normally as well.
Although I do feel rather nostalgic for coffee and occasionally stare enviously at my coworker's steaming mug, I have noticed an interesting side effect from this whole experience.
For most my adult life, I've felt like I suffered from some sort of extreme sleeping problem. I'd have restless nights and wake up at 3 a.m., unable to regain unconsciousness. I'd have trouble falling asleep as well.
However, all this week, I have slept the sleep of the dead. Until that alarm goes off in the morning, I am in the most relaxed state of slumber. I'm amazed when I look in the mirror now - the whites of my eyes are actually white.
The only question now is, when Easter hits and my vow of caffeine celibacy comes to an end, will I get back on that black bean?
Yes!

Carter Haydu can be reached at 691-1265.