It’s funny how one’s perception of the world can change and evolve from good to bad, bad to good and everything in between in the matter of a couple of hours when it comes to their children.
One moment I find myself walking down the street with my kids admiring Mother Nature’s beauty, thinking how lucky we are to live in such a beautiful place and the next I am sheltering them in our home not wanting to ever let them leave because I just watched a horrific story about a school shooting, or bullying on the news.
I feel like since the day I gave birth I have been riding an emotional rollercoaster and every time I near the end someone switches the tracks and up I go again.
I love being a mom. I love taking my children on walks, going to soccer, playing and watching movies. I am at ease when I am with them.
When I am in control and can protect them from whatever is lurking around the corner, I feel like one does when they are making that slow but steady incline to the top of the coaster — enjoying the ride, admiring the view and relaxed for those few peaceful moments.
However, as soon as I either have to hand over that control, or it’s taken away from me, my heart rate increases, my mind begins its “What if” newsfeed and logic slowly makes its way out the door.
I am aware I cannot be with my children 24-7, but my goodness, how amazing would it be if I could.
I always faulted my parents for worrying about me and would get extremely defensive when they would “quiz” me about my day. I felt it was an invasion of my privacy and an indication of how little they trusted me — now I know.
My children are still young. They have no desire to be away from me and the moments they are not by my side they are with the people I trust the most in this world.
However, that does not stop me from “quizzing” them about their day.
I want to know everything: “Whom did you play with? Did you have fun? Was anyone mean to you? Did you talk to or see any strangers? What did you watch? What did you eat? How many boogers did you pick?”
It doesn’t matter the topic, I want to know all of the answers. The list could go on forever. My daughter will entertain me to an extent, while my son will have nothing to do with any of it; however, that does not stop me.
I sometimes feel sorry for my children because not only do they have the nosiest mother in Canada, but it’s my job to be nosey. It’s my job to ask a lot of questions, and although it’s not my intention to use conversation as a form of interrogation, when I really want to know something that is just the way it goes — ask my husband.
The sad thing is, when I was a child my parents were not afraid to let me and my sister ride our bikes to the neighbourhood park, walk to the store for a treat, or even walk ourselves to school.
If someone wanted to bully us it was to our face and we could defend ourselves without it being humiliated in front of whoever decided to ‘log in’ at that moment.
The world is changing and as much as technology has opened our eyes to it, it has closed them to the people sitting next to us. It has desensitized us to the emotions of others and prevents us from living without fear.
I like to be in the loop. It’s my job to be informed and I want to stay ahead of my children when it comes to technology, however, I don’t know how much my heart can take.
My parents weren’t nosey and annoying — well not totally anyway. They were concerned, engaged and trying to communicate for the sake of both their health and sanity — I see that now.
I have also come to terms with the fact that this rollercoaster ride has just begun and there are going to be many ups, downs, curves and turns coming my way. However, to deal with my new unknown reality, my goal is to learn to enjoy the ride, take in as many of the views as I can and try not to puke every time I am jolted by an unexpected turn.
It may be a bit bumpy at times, but according to all those who have done it before me, it’s worth it in the end.