Playpen Diaries: Mommy's first day

Lyndsay
Lyndsay McCready
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Well it’s that time of the year again — apparently “the most wonderful time of the year.”

The playpen diaries

Maybe — maybe not.

I personally can’t say I completely agree with that statement because I know each and every time I had to pack my backpack and head out the door for that first day of school I was flooded with all levels of emotion.

I was excited but at the same time nervous, scared and anxious — what if no one liked me? What if I fell while walking up the front steps? What if I got up the nerve to shout out an answer and it came out completely wrong? What if I couldn’t sound out a word? What if I wasn’t perfect?

I know that last one sounds ridiculous because we all know there is no such thing as perfect, but at 10 years old, there seems to be nothing but perfect.

The fears we had as children may seem minute and almost absurd now, however in those moments they were anything but.

They were huge. They were monumental and they were the moments that could have you longing for the next day or wanting to lock yourself away in your room.

As I look back now, I realize just how influential those firsts were in my life and it terrifies me as a parent because that means they will be equally, if not more important to my children.

Next week, my daughter will be entering the “school years” and as excited as I am for her, I am not sure I am ready to send her off into the real world.

Kids can be cruel. Kids can be extremely honest and kids have no filter.

They say what they want and at times it may come off as harsh. As an adult we know this and we know how to react and feel when a child says something we don’t necessarily like. When those comments are directed at another child they can cut and those cuts can leave scars.

I feel like we as a society do our best to teach children from a very young age that bullying is not acceptable, but there are different levels of bullying, there are different interpretations of what bullying is and what you teach your children may not be what the parent next to you is teaching theirs.

This is just one of the many fears I have — that my daughter might not be able to handle what others have to dish out. Or on the other hand that she is the one causing pain to another.

I will admit the rest of my fears are based on imaginary situations I have let my overactive mind turn into internal movies, but the bullying fear is real and one we hear about far too often.

I am sure my daughter along with the pre-school class of 2015 will have an amazing year full of firsts, seconds and thirds.

I know as the days pass it will get easier to watch my baby grow but for now I will worry, as my mom and dad before me, but I will also be there for support, encourage her to be strong, bold and outgoing and to be kind because if we all teach our kids to be kind, there would be no room for anything else.

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