So, it maybe didn’t appear exactly like this, but there is a soon-to-be vacant job that is being advertised in the media.
If the vacancy were advertised in the more traditional manner it might read as such:
“One elderly matriarch and landowner seeks younger representative to look after property far away from home base.
“Meetings with boss will be rare but job security for five years is guaranteed, no matter the conduct of successful applicant.
“Successful applicant should be able to speak French and English — in theory.
“Must put up with condescending underlings who often want their main place of work shut down.
“ Need to be able to host parties well, cut ribbons smoothly, open events gracefully and wave your hand.
“Experience with the CBC an asset.
“Position comes with car and house.”
Of course, I’m referring to the position of Governor General.
Michaelle Jean must feel like the proverbial lame duck.
She has just a few months left in her term and all indications are that Prime Minister Stephen Harper will not renew her term like Jean Chretien did with Adrienne Clarkson. This has led to rampant speculation on who will be the next Governor General, pushing Jean off to the side.
Now, I’ve thought long and hard about this and I’ve decided, you know, maybe it’s time for a career change — I could totally do this.
Look, my French isn’t perfect but for six figures I’ll improve it quicker than Jean fixed up her English.
I’m willing to put up with some shenanigans from Harper, as long as he allows me to muss up his hair — if that’s humanly possible.
Plus, I can shake hands and cut ribbons like a machine.
And, yeah, I’ve done some work on the CBC — but really, who hasn’t.
So, to Steve and Liz — sorry, Mr. Prime Minister and Your Majesty — I offer my services for the good of the people.
I promise to take my duties seriously — after I pull a Tom Cruise from Risky Business in Rideau Hall on my first night.
Hey, you’re only the GG once, right?
Jason Small can be reached at 691-1255.
